Sex and Funny Quotes

“You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!” - Drew Carey

“I know nothing about sex because I was always married.” - Zsa Zsa Gabor

“My wife is a sex object. Everytime I ask for sex, she objects.” - Les Dawson

“Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.”- Steve Martin

“I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.” - Woody Allen

“My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.” - Joan Rivers

“My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.” - Woody Allen

“What’s the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I’m home.” - Ken Hammond

“The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.” - Brendan Francis

“Love is the answer – but while you’re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.” - Woody Allen

“I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it’s fantastic.” - Woody Allen

“I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.” - Phyllis Diller

“Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.” - Dave Letterman

“My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.” - Steve Jobs

“Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range.” - Scott Roeben

“Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.” - Billy Crystal