Hot Sister - A True story!

I was happy, My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car, My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family. "The moral of this story is:" "Always keep your condoms in your car."

Sexual Calorie Counter.......

The Weight Loss Program

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there standing before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads: "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb.as promised.

He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.

She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads: "If you catch me, you can have me." Well, he's out the door after her like a shot! This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her; but when he does, it's definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze. So for the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself to discover that he has lost another 20 lb as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone, "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door and he runs like hell to open the door. When he opens the door he finds this huge, muscular, 7ft man standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads:

"I'm Francis. If I catch you, you're mine."

Gorilla Remover

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers." he calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean huge dog. "What are you going to do", the homeowner asks? I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the dog is trained to grab the gorilla's testicles and squeeze. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. If the gorilla knocks ME off the roof, shoot the dog." lolzzz

Student with best answers.......... (bet u cant match with this one)

Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her first-grade pupils.

"Johnny, what is your problem?"

Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

Ms Brooks had had enough, so she took Johnny to the principal's office.

The principal agreed that he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.

He started by asking Johnny some simple arithmetic.

"What is three times three?"

"Nine, Sir."
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"How much is nine times six?"

"Fifty-four."
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And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looked at Ms Brooks and said, "I think Johnny can go to third grade! He seems smart enough."
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Ms Brooks said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"

The principal and Johnny both agreed.

Ms Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"






Johnny, after a moment, answered "Legs, Ma'am"

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"What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"








"Pockets!"
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"OK, what does a dog do that a man steps into?"





"Pants."

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"What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"








"Coconut. !"
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"What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny was taking charge.








"Bubblegum!"
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"What does a man do standing up, a woman does! sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"









"Shake hands, Ma'am."
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"Now for some "Who am I" sort of questions, OK? First one. You stick your poles inside me, you tie me down to get me up, and I get wet before you do."








Johnny, quick as ever, answered, "Tent!"
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"OK, a finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first."

The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.








But Johnny was on the ball with "Wedding Ring!"
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"I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good."





"Nose."
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"Right, I have a stiff shaft, my tip penetrates, and I come with a quiver."














"Arrow."
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"Good, now for the last one. What word starts with an 'F', ends in K', and means a lot of heat and excitement?"












"Fire truck, Ma'am!"
-=-=-=-=-=

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send him to university!!!!, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

2 Priests on a Hawaiian vacation

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation, They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them.

They couldn't help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning Father, Good Morning Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by.

They were both stunned.

How in the world did she know they were priests?

So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, after a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different coloured topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them.

Again she nodded at each of them, said 'Good morning Father, Good morning Father,' and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?'

'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?' She replied, 'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.'

Can you guess it

How fast can you guess these words

1. BOO_S

2 _ _NDOM

3. F_ _K

4. P_N_S

5. PU_S_

6. S_X

To find out the answers scroll down

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Guess what you got all of them wrong.... didn't you? You dirty mind the answers are

1. BOOKS
2. RANDOM
3. FORK
4. PANTS
5. PULSE
6. SIX 

Men will never listen

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A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of the toilet, but each time he looked up the illuminated sign proclaimed that it was occupied.

The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he use the plane's new prototype women's loo, But he mustn't press any of the buttons inside. They were labelled WW,WA pp and ATR.

The man's curiosity got the better of him and he started pressing the buttons. When he pressed WW, warm, fragrant water was sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought Wow, the women really have it made.

Still curious, he pressed the button marked WA, and a gentle breeze of Warm Air quickly dried his hindquarters. He thought this was fantastic and reached for the button marked PP. This yielded a large Powder Puff that delicately applied a soft talc to his rear.

Naturally he couldn't resist the last button marked ATR. When he woke up in the hospital, he buzzed for the nurse, 'What happened to me? The last thing i remember is that i was in the new ladies' room on a plane.'

Yes. Apparently you were having a great time until you pressed the ATR button, which stands for Automatic Tampon Removal. Your penis is under your pillow!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Links

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Gum.....

Gum hi gum hai - meri zindagi me .......

Gum hi gum hai - meri zindagi me .......

khushiyaan humse raas nahi ......................................

ye kambakhat dil bhi ussi pe aaya ......

jise paane ki aas nahi,......